This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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