If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
