I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
