I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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