i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
