need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
