The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
