Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
FUCK WHALES
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
