ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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