there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
