i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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