This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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