you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
