We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
