I faked an abortion last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
