I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
