grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
