No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
