I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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