make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize