You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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