i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize