You work out of a Hotel?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
