i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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