Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
