We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
