Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  my computer doesn't work...

  (619): View more from California

  why?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i puked on it last night

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  (419): my computer doesn't work... (619): why? (419): i puked on it last night http://tfl.nu/kifb
  Replies (4) Good night (820) Bad night (2404)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

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  (706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not. http://tfl.nu/av9b
  Replies (10) Good night (5496) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

  (574): View more from Indiana

  well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

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  (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore http://tfl.nu/rxln
  Replies (21) Good night (5745) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience

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  (302): dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience http://tfl.nu/d1lz
  Replies (49) Good night (608) Bad night (6231)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

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  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
  Replies (10) Good night (3712) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.

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  (517): Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date. http://tfl.nu/f1nk
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (5190)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

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  (501): Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to. http://tfl.nu/4qds
  Replies (15) Good night (4216) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

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  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (6060) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Does it taste like semen?

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  (972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv
  Replies (10) Good night (4278) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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  (206): Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional. http://tfl.nu/t1vf
  Replies (10) Good night (2624) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.

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  (316): Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though. http://tfl.nu/dlfh
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

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  (904): Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten http://tfl.nu/vxzl
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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  (817): A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10 http://tfl.nu/8aoh
  Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation

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  (+27): Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation http://tfl.nu/ycpp
  Replies (9) Good night (649) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"

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  (913): The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual" http://tfl.nu/c1s6
  Replies (1) Good night (769) Bad night (211)

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