i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.