For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
