Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
