Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration. http://tfl.nu/aroj
  Replies (6) Good night (807) Bad night (1565)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino http://tfl.nu/qzo5
  Replies (8) Good night (681) Bad night (2977)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you http://tfl.nu/hdb5
  Replies (17) Good night (1028) Bad night (4031)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket http://tfl.nu/cdhn
  Replies (39) Good night (2905) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein http://tfl.nu/1rbx
  Replies (36) Good night (5115) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs
  Replies (50) Good night (6274) Bad night (1973)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake http://tfl.nu/nyba
  Replies (5) Good night (2411) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered. http://tfl.nu/u1qq
  Replies (20) Good night (2247) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings. http://tfl.nu/iq9m
  Replies (4) Good night (1583) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone. http://tfl.nu/u0bu
  Replies (4) Good night (1461) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend. http://tfl.nu/a6e8
  Replies (5) Good night (1339) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".

  (415): View more from California

  good luck with that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco". (415): good luck with that http://tfl.nu/41gz
  Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden. http://tfl.nu/335z
  Replies (2) Good night (1138) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful. http://tfl.nu/xs64
  Replies (2) Good night (445) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  That is romantic

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): That is romantic (1-309): Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care http://tfl.nu/p5uo
  Replies (0) Good night (313) Bad night (143)

Randomize