i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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