Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
