im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
