he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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