And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
