Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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