i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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