is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
