turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
