Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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