I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize