if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
