Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
