Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
