I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
