I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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