i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
