Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
