I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
