I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
