Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
