Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
