Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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