did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
