he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
