I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize